Pregnancy is often a gradual journey, where the relationship with your baby grows as time goes on. Some parents feel a sense of connection early on, while for others it develops later — and both are completely normal. Building a relationship with your baby during pregnancy can be a gentle way to prepare for parenthood. Feeling curious about the baby growing inside you, and wondering who they might be, can also make it easier to recognise and understand your child once they are born.
Let your imagination lead
One way to connect with your baby during pregnancy is to allow space for imagination and curiosity. Who is this little person? Will the baby look like me? What might they be trying to tell me when they move? Many parents choose to talk to their baby or sing to them. Your baby is already an individual, with their own personality beginning to take shape.
If curiosity doesn’t come easily
Some expectant parents notice that they don’t feel especially curious about their baby during pregnancy, or that they don’t think about them very much. According to Eva Lyberg, a psychologist and psychotherapist specialising in attachment, this can be linked to different kinds of stress — in life in general or related to the pregnancy itself. It can also be connected to worry. If you’ve had difficult experiences with pregnancy before, you may find it hard to allow yourself to believe that everything will go well this time.
In these situations, it can help to gently work on building a sense of trust, safety, and openness towards the baby. One place to start is by asking yourself curious, open questions. Who might this baby be? Are there personality traits they might inherit from you or the other parent? How do they feel in the womb — calm and thoughtful, or active and eager to explore? Try listening inward, noticing, and letting your imagination fill in the gaps.
Getting support to build connection
If you find it difficult to think about your baby or imagine who they are, it may be helpful to seek support during pregnancy. After birth, life often becomes busy and demanding, and it can be harder to find time for reflection. Developing a connection during pregnancy can make it easier to understand your baby’s cues after they are born and help you feel more confident in being a safe and steady presence for your child.
Midwives can often help guide you to appropriate support, and many maternity services offer access to counsellors or psychologists. Remember that many people experience these feelings during pregnancy — you are not alone. Talking about it with your midwife can help you get the right support at the right time. With support, most people find their own way to begin building a relationship with their baby, even before birth.